The night the world stopped

OK, it's not, but to a 5yo it was. Below is what happened when my father and stepmother found out about the sexual abuse that my stepsister and I had been undergoing with our babysitter.

First, let me give a brief bio of who is who.

My dad, who worked during the day, full time. On Friday nights he and his mates would play poker. Now, the poker games were held at different houses each week. We lived in one town and so when the games were held in the town that the abuser was from, we would go to his apartment. When the games were held in our town, but not specifically at our house, the abuser would go to our house to babysit us. My father DID drink, but his drinking at this point in time was not bad. He would limit it to weekends, and really never became "drunk."

My stepmother, let's call her Jane. She was a stay-at-home mum of my stepsister and I. Jane also drank, but at this time, not that much. Also, at this point in time, though strict, she was never abusive. Her abuse of me came after her daughter was taken.

My stepsister, who we'll call Cindy, was one year older than me. Though older, and bigger, Cindy had some intellectual disabilities, and I was quite aware, even at the age of 5, that it was my job to "look" after her. Cindy and I did share a room.

Me, I was 5 years old and though somewhat shy, was considered intellectually above my age group.

John, the abuser. John was a 60 year old man who lived by himself in an apartment. He would babysit us at his apartment or at our home on poker nights. Where my father met John, I have no idea. John, came across as a very loving and caring individual. He was always "looking" after our welfare (Cindy and I) and would purchase treats and gifts (typical behavior for a sexual abuser). As far as a 5yo can be aware, I believed my parents trusted him and had no cause to believe he was a sexual predator.

A layout of the house (this will be important later) - Cindy and I shared a room which the door opened into a hallway. Directly across from our door, there was the first "landing" of the staircase. The second landing was three steps down and then the staircase curved, so from the door of the bedroom you could NOT see the rest of the stairs that led down to the front hall.

John had been sexually abusing Cindy and I for approximately 6 months. I can't be sure of this time frame, but that seems about right. John never penetrated either Cindy or I with his penis, but did use fingers (to a point, not total insertion) and oral. On the night that this happened, John had been babysitting us whilst Jane and dad were at one of the poker parties.

After Jane and dad came home, Jane came to check on Cindy and I, who had already been placed in bed. Cindy at that time complained that her tummy was hurting and was quietly crying. I was in my bed (across the room) and was just laying very quietly. When Jane asked Cindy what was wrong, again Cindy stated that her tummy was hurting. At this point, my dad came into the room and again, Cindy stated her tummy hurt. My father at this point, began to leave the room (he got the door closed), when Cindy admitted to Jane that she thought John may have been to rough when we were playing our secret game and it was not her tummy, but her "pee pee" that hurt. At this point, I remember vaguely, sitting up in bed and cowering in the corner of the bed, with my knees up to my chest and quietly crying. I also "remember" that I was very, very scared that Cindy was going to tell. When Cindy told Jane about John being to rough, Jane called out to my dad, who was still outside the door, about to go down the stairs. My father returned to the room and at this point it gets a bit hazy, but I remember my dad lifting up Cindy's nightgown. After he did this, I remember him yelling out, "I'll kill the bastard".

Now, John was STILL in the house at this time. I remember my dad yelling out for John to come upstairs or something like that (I'm not totally sure of the exact words). I do remember my father storming out of the room and Jane standing at the doorway. Now, I do not remember how I got out of bed, whether Cindy came over and got me, or whether I went and got her, or if we both just decided to get up. Somehow, we ended up standing in the doorway with Jane (slightly behind her).

By this time, John was on the second landing. I remember my father yelling (not the exact words), and then lunging at John and hitting him. I remember John falling. I did NOT see him fall all the way down the stairs, as mentioned above, it would have been impossible to see this. I do remember his falling though audibly, as he was yelling and because of the thumps.

Now, again, it gets hazy. Somehow Cindy and I ended back in bed, the same bed and basically hugging each other. This is where I sort of remember seeing lights, to my mind now, remind me of police lights. Sometime later (I have no clue how long it was), dad reentered our bedroom and stated we were going to the hospital to have a doctor look at us.

I do not remember the drive to the hospital whatsoever. I don't remember getting into the hospital, nor do I remember anything of the exam. I do slightly remember a doctor and nurse coming in and stating that they were going to examine me and it would not hurt. I also slightly remember another person, I don't know what their role was, coming in to talk with me about what had been happening. I honestly don't remember if I told this person anything.

I do not remember the drive home. My last memory of this night is sitting at the kitchen table and drinking hot chocolate with dad, Jane and Cindy. I remember playing with the marshmallows.

Now, after this incident occurred, John of course was out of our life. I do NOT know what happened to him, I have no clue if any charges of any type were brought. As far as my family was concerned, the incident never happened, or at least we never would talk about it. Please remember, this was in the 60's, and so sexual abuse was NOT talked about in any way.

Now, up until yesterday, as I stated in a previous post, I had thought that Cindy had been taken by her biological father right after this. I now know that is not true, but she did spend about 6 months still with dad, Jane and I. The exact time, I don't know. I do know from what my mom has stated to me, that there was a court hearing and that Cindy's father was granted custody. I also know that Jane ended up in a mental institution shortly after this and I stayed with mom while she was there. The physical abuse from Jane began after this stay. Jane also blamed me entirely for losing Cindy to her father and also told me many times that it was my fault that John abused us, basically that I had "enticed" John.

So, there you have it. The night the world ended for a 5 yo.